


Internet Explorer

by artemiskally



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Brief Mentions Of FrUk, I need to pray to Jesus, I think?, I wrote this for her, M/M, Other, She hates it more than Satan, This was an inside joke between me and my friend, USUK - Freeform, What is this?, total crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-24
Updated: 2016-04-24
Packaged: 2018-06-04 07:19:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,860
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6647851
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/artemiskally/pseuds/artemiskally
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>America helps England set up Google Chrome on his laptop. Misunderstandings follow.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Internet Explorer

England set his hot cup of tea down on the small table beside the couch he was currently residing on. His left hand left the cup and made its way back onto his laptop that was conveniently placed on his lap.  
He always got mad when someone called him old fashioned or behind the times, but he would never admit that he actually was. The small, silver computer in his lap was the first one of its kind he had ever owned.  
The loading screen finally met its end and the screen faded into what he assumed would be what you would call the desktop. The background photo was a nice view of mountains and a lake. He decided he wouldn't change it, partially because he didn't know how.  
He then looked at the small pictures on top of the background. These must have been the programs America was talking about.  
England looked to the bottom bar. The date and time was in the right corner, and in the left there was a square that looked like a button. Curious, he clicked it. It opened a list of all the programs in the computer, and he guessed it was the menu. He looked to the right of the menu, and there was an icon there. It looked like a lowercase E with a golden hoop across it. He moved the cursor over it, and, in tiny letters, it read ‘Internet Explorer’. He looked back on the other the other icons on the screen.  
He frowned. America had said something about this thing called ‘Google Chrome’, and that he should use it instead of this ‘Internet Explorer’. He ran his mouse over all of the little icons that were on the screen. Their names popped up and he read all of them, but none sounded even similar to what America had told him.  
He was deeply divided. He needed help, but any day he didn't have to hear that stupid America’s voice was a good one. He supposed he could ask someone else. Possibly Japan, he's good with technology, he thought. But then again, knowing America, he was probably eagerly awaiting his call for help. The bastard. England picked up his phone and scrolled through his contacts. Come on, there has to be someone other than America, there has to be. France, not in a million years. Japan's probably busy. When the hell did I add Germany to my contacts?  
He sighed, and scrolled to the top again. America was the first name in his contacts, all because of his bloody name (he tried to forget the fact that America helped set up his phone too, and he was the first contact in it to begin with).  
With great disdain he clicked the call button. As the phone rang he glanced back at his laptop. The screensaver had turned on which made the screen darker, so he wriggled the cursor around to brighten it again. He hadn't noticed that the ringing had stopped, and America screaming hello right into his ear made him jump. He calmed his breathing and cleared his throat before returning the greeting.  
“So how's the laptop workin’?”  
“Fairly good, the setup went okay.”  
“That's great! So what's up with the random call at 4 AM?”  
“Oh, I forgot about the time difference.”  
“It's okay, I'm up playing Call Of Duty anyway.” Typical.  
“You didn't have to answer you know.”  
“I know, I just knew it was probably something with your laptop. I thought you would have already threw it out a window out of frustration at this point.”  
“No, it hasn't been that difficult. But I do have a question.”  
“What is it?”  
“Didn't you say something about Google Chrome?  
“Yeah, I think.”  
“I can't find it on this computer. Do I have to go to the menu or something?”  
“Oh yeah, I forgot. On the computer you got you have to download it on Internet Explorer.”  
“I thought you said not to use that because it's slow.”  
“Trust me, Internet Explorer sucks, but once you have Chrome downloaded you're home free. Ya don't have to go that hell anymore.”  
“Okay. So how exactly do I download it off there?”  
“Click on Internet Explorer.”  
“Okay.” England clicked and got ready for the next instruction. But nothing happened. The screen stayed the same. “America?”  
“Hmm?”  
“Nothing changed when I clicked it.”  
“Yeah,” he laughed a little, it does that. Ya just have to wait a little. It takes forever to load.” England understood his explanation, and waited it to load. But after a tortuous ten seconds he began to worry if he had missed the icon when he clicked, and that he was waiting for nothing. He clicked the lowercase E again, just to be sure. He slumped on the couch now. After another twenty seconds he heard a blood curtailing scream through the phone, and he sat up immediately.  
“America are you-”  
“Ha, triple kill! Die, die, die!” He truly hoped he had gone back to his stupid video game and that he wasn't killing three innocent children.  
Internet Explorer still hadn't opened yet. Now he was just impatient. He clicked on it repeatedly, for god knows how long. Suddenly a white box appeared. It had a bar on top of it that said it was loading. He sighed in relief. He wasn't done with all of this downloading business, but at least he was one step closer to being done. He kept watching the box, waiting more excitedly now. Then another box, identical to the one before it popped up. He was going to ask America why it happened but then more opened up. A lot more. It made him jump.  
“Dude, what's wrong?” America’s voice startled him even more.  
“Why are there so many?!” He clicked on the tab at the bottom of the screen that showed how many programs were open. He counted twenty two.  
“Twenty two?! Why are they here?”  
“Engl-” England screamed as more opened, and cut America off.  
“I can't handle this many!” He started closing tabs, but some wouldn't X out. Many were still loading. “Why won't they finish-” he meant to say loading to finish the statement, but he started screaming again when five pop ups came to the front of the screen, talking about how pages weren't loading correctly.  
“Dude, are you having an orgy?!”  
“Wha-”

“And you didn't invite me? What nerve!”  
“Calling that frog would have been better than this…”  
“So you invited France but not me, that's low.”  
“I’M NOT HAVING AN ORGY!”“Oh, sounded like it. What's actually happenin’ over there?”  
“A bunch of white rectangles opened and and so did a bunch of pop ups, and…” He trailed off when he heard America snickering. “Hey, what's so funny?!”  
“Don't worry so much about the windows, it happens all of the time. Just slowly go through and delete all of them except one.”  
“The pop ups-”  
“Just hit ‘okay’ on all of them.” He followed his words. It got increasingly less scary as he went through and did it. The last window, he thought that's what America just called it, was loaded.  
“Done.”  
“Okay, now go to the search bar and type ‘Google Chrome’, click on the first link you see.” He completed said tasks.  
“Done.”  
“Now click the big button that says download.” When he pressed the button another pop up came up, and he wanted to die. America sensed this. “Click run this time.”  
And with that it was loading. He leaned back again and prepared for all of the heartache this round would give.  
America cheered, and for a split second he thought it was because he had won the battle against Internet Explorer, but then America was yelling into the phone again.  
“Yah, I beat level eighteen! Aren't you proud?”  
“Not really.”  
“But that was a super hard boss.” England could practically hear him pouting over the phone.  
“Doesn't matter. Beating a level in a video game doesn't warrant a huge congratulations.”  
“Maybe to you.” England heard shuffling on the other end of the line. He then heard the same noise his laptop had made when he had started it. “Hey, do you need anymore help? I could help you set up an email account or something, since that's something old people do.”  
“I'm not an old person!”  
“Are you sure? Last conference you were walking kinda funny, I thought you needed a cane.”  
“That was just because I had injured my ankle playing football, bastard.”  
“You mean soccer?” He asked the question legitimately.  
“How many feet are in a kilometer?”  
“Ah… 12?” England mentally face palmed. He knew though that no matter how wrong he was, America wouldn't give up fighting over these kinds of things. He decided to save the conversation for a different time.  
“America, are you on your laptop?”  
“Yeah.” England checked the bottom right of the screen.  
“Isn't it nearly four forty-five AM over there?”  
“Yup.”  
“What are you still doing up? You need your rest.”  
“Thanks, mom.” Well that was just mean spirited.  
“What are you doing on the Internet at nearly five AM that's more important than sleep?”  
“I'm looking up Internet Explorer memes.”  
“Wow, your logic is flawless.”  
“Just like the rest of me.” England bit his tongue and looked at the loading bar on the screen. It was nearing a 100%.  
“Downloading this thing is actually going faster than opening Internet Explorer.”  
“Yeah it, always seems like it.” It finished downloading and suddenly there was another icon on the screen. This one was a circle comprised of the colors red, yellow, green, with a smaller blue circle in the middle. He wasn't sure what it was about it, but it seemed more friendly and welcoming than the program he was on before. He clicked it once, not wanting to let history repeat itself so soon. Surprisingly, the white box was up in seconds, and it was fully loaded too.  
“Wow, this Chrome thing is a lot faster than Internet Explorer.”  
“I told you England. Now I hope- oops…”  
“What happened?”  
“I did that stupid thing where you write down what you hear. I accidentally typed ‘Internet Explorer England’.”  
“Good job.” He replied sarcastically.  
“I wonder what the results are.”  
“I would guess they would be about my country and not me, idiot.”  
“Hold on a second. It says ‘showing results for Interlander’. What the hell is that?”  
“I don't know.”  
“Oh. Oh wow.”  
“What is it?” America burst out laughing. “What is it?!” America was still cackling. Frustrated, he clicked the search bar and typed in this damn Interlander.  
The first results were from websites such as ‘Wattpad’ and Fanfiction.net. He was still confused about what it was. He read a little more on the first search result.  
The result was from a website called ‘Archive Of Our Own’. It appeared to be a story, with an author named 420blazeit_evryday.  
The description, as far as he could see, read as follows: Arthur and Internet Explorer have been dating for awhile now, but they are both too shy to… “What in the bloody hell?!Arthur?! How do they know my human name?! And since when have I and Internet Explorer been dating?!” America’s laughing hadn't stopped, and England's fit was just making him laugh more. Angrily, he clicked for images to get a better understanding of what he was happening. And he regretted it immediately. England started screaming again.  
There were images. Oh boy were there images. Nothing made sense and he was beginning to feel like he was having a really bad nightmare. America started coughing from all of his laughing and calmed down a little. But England was anything but calm.  
“What is happening in this picture?!”  
“Is it the one set on the beach?”  
“Yeah.”  
“I'm looking at it too. It's, uh, interesting…”  
“I don't understand it. I don't understand any of this!”  
“Dude, I think, if I'm getting this right, that in the pic Internet Explorer is USUKing you.”  
“USUKing? What does that mean?” America was quiet then, unsure of what to say. England realized he wasn't going to be any help, and opened a new tab. After ten seconds of damn loading, he started typing.  
“U-S-U-K.” He said each letter as he hit each key.  
“Wait, England, you shouldn't-” England hit the search button before America could finish speaking.  
The first thing he saw was a picture of America kissing him on his cheek and he felt the sudden overwhelming urge to barf.  
“I'm done! I'm done with life, and I am leaving!” England yelled into his phone. America started laughing again.  
“Suprise! People ship us!”  
“Ship?!”  
“Yeah, lots of people want us to be canon.”  
“Canon?! Can you stop talking like a goddamn pirate and explain this garbage I see in front of me?!”  
“People want us to be together as a couple. Like romanticly.” Oh no. England had seemed to misplace his paper bag to calm his breathing. He would probably hyperventilate. Everything was already going dark.  
“I still don't understand what Interlander or USUK mean.”  
“They're ship names.”  
“Care to explain?”  
“They are basically the couple's name. It's what people say in reference to the pairing.” England really must have felt like dying when he clicked ‘more images’. Most were just lovey dovey pictures, until he got to one where America was straight up banging him against a wall.  
“God please have mercy and kill me.”  
“Oh it's not that bad, I think we look kinda cute. And it's not as bad as FRUK would be for you to see. Actually, that would be funny. Look up FRUK.”  
“Never!” He was mildly curious, but not enough to take the bait. He scolled up the page again, and looked at the suggest searches.  
‘USUK yaoi’ he didn't need to know.  
‘USUK’ revolutionary war’ please stop.  
‘2p USUK’ whatever the hell that meant.  
‘USUK sad’ people actually get sad about their relationship?  
‘USUK mpreg’ wait, what was that?  
For maybe, oh, the eighth time that morning, he let his curiosity get the better of him. He clicked images immediately, since they seemed to answer questions quicker.  
The first few images were just of him and Alfred with a baby, which made sense, after all, in all of these peoples sick minds they were a couple, and couples normally had kids. His mind had gone straight to thinking the children in the photos were adopted, reasonably enough. He didn't notice that most of them had his eyebrows. His mindset changed when he saw a picture of himself with a large stomach. It didn't look normal. He looked like a pregnant woman.  
He wasn't even mad anymore. He was just really, really confused.  
“Am I… with child?” He asked, forgetting that America was still on the line.  
“Wait, what? You're pregnant?! Who's the father?!”  
“Goddamn it America I'm not pregnant!”  
“How was I to know, apparently you had a super cool orgy without me. They should have worn protection, you're much too old to raise a child.”  
“America next time I see you face to face I'm decking you right in the nose.”  
“Sounds like a plan.” The sound of an alarm clock going off startled both of them. England looked around his living room, even though he knew it was coming from America. The sound suddenly stopped. “Ah, man…”  
“What's wrong?”  
“I forgot I have a meeting with my boss today.”  
“What time?”  
“Seven-thirty. I have to get ready now to catch my flight to D.C.”  
“So you were supposed to get sleep.”  
“Yeah. I knew I had forgotten something!”  
“Yeah, well, it was all worth it right?”  
“Worth it? Oh yeah, totally. I'm going to fall asleep in the middle of meeting with my Boss because I'll be sleep deprived, but I got to talk to you for two hours. My life is so perfect.” His sarcasm levels are tipping the scales at this point.  
“But you got to level eighteen.”  
“I hate you.”  
“I hate you more.”  
“Well, sorry to leave this delightful conversation, but I have to go take shower.”  
“Okay. Thanks for helping me with my computer by the way.”  
“No problem. You definitely weren't as bad learning about it as China was.”  
“Did he throw it out the window?”  
“That's a memory I would like to suppress, but yes, he did.” England smiled a little at this, but his smile vanished when he looked back on his computer screen.  
“I kinda hate you for introducing me to these ‘ships’ though.”  
“Yeah, they are terrible. But I hear FRUK is super good, you should definitely check that one out.”  
“I want to strangle you.”  
“Ha, likewise. Bye England.”  
“Goodbye America.” He was just about to press the call button when America’s voice sounded again.  
“By the way, I totally ship you and Internet Explorer.” England hung up on him.  
He closed all his current tabs gladly, and once again looked at the beautiful mountains of the background.  
He picked up his cup of tea and took a sip. It was cold.

**Author's Note:**

> Well, that was a ride. It was supposed to be short, but ended up being 6 pages long. As is my life.


End file.
